


Maybe That One's Worth Dying For

by SamsJam



Series: The Diary of a Rogue Knight [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-17
Updated: 2013-06-17
Packaged: 2017-12-15 07:04:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/846700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamsJam/pseuds/SamsJam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gwaine wrestles with a decision...return to Camelot and risk death or ignore his feelings and turn his back on the men who could finally give him a home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Maybe That One's Worth Dying For

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Episode 3.4

I didn't really want to stay. It wouldn't have worked. It’s not a problem, Gwaine thought.

And it wasn't. Not really. He was used to it by now. It was getting to the point where he’d been kicked out of so many taverns that it had become impossible to keep track of where he was and wasn't welcome. This was just like every other time he'd been forced to pack up and told to never return.

At least, that’s what he had been trying to convince himself ever since he left the castle gates.

But no matter how he phrased it, no matter what he told himself, something about this time was different. Despite his best efforts, he couldn’t continue to ignore the growing uneasiness in the pit of his stomach. With every moment of indecision his horse took him one step further from Camelot and away from the men he had already started to give his heart to.

“Should I go back?” Gwaine said out loud, as he finally let himself voice the question that had been truly eating at him. He gently pulled his horse to a stop. Looking over his shoulder he let out a deep sigh,  grimacing as his barely closed wound pulled uncomfortably. He reached his hand around to press against the bandages experimentally. It didn't hurt nearly as much as it should, something Merlin had done must have  sped up the healing process, or at least numbed the pain. If he closed his eyes, he could still feel the warmth and surprising strength of Merlin's fingers as they traced along Gwaine's back while treating the injury. At the thought of the young physician's assistant, Gwaine's chest tightened in a way that had nothing to do with his wound.

He began to laugh softly. Who was he kidding? He knew himself well enough to know the answer to that question.  He ran his hand through his hair and turned the beast around. After all, he wasn’t the kind of man to let a little bit of fear get in his way.

As he started galloping back towards the castle, he couldn’t help but let his mind wander. The look on Merlin’s face along would be worth all of the hassle. Gwaine knew he would do anything to be the cause of that intoxicating smile, or to make those blue eyes shine with pride. He also knew that saving Arthur would be the quickest way to see that smile. Not to mention the fact that the prince’s perfect jaw was far too enticing to lose before he even got a chance to properly make a play at getting him into bed.

As he rode, he tried to focus on his physical attraction to the two men. He desperately tried to to use lust to shield himself from the scarier thoughts that were slowly working their way to the front of his mind.

He’d only been there for a few days, but he could still recognize the feeling of “home” that had radiated from Camelot, and from Merlin and Arthur. Being with them had shown Gwaine that he had been numb for longer than he'd realized. He had tried to fill the void with ale and brawls, with sex and gambling, and sure, it had helped for a while. But from the moment he’d laid eyes on the bickering duo he had felt something long dormant within himself start to stir. They were the type of men he wanted to be. Honor and duty were at the core of all their actions. They didn’t start that brawl for a reward or for fun, no, they were defending the inn keeper and the people of the village.

The truth was, he had come to respect the prince, despite his sometimes harsh words and pompous attitude. Without realizing it, Gwaine had developed a bone deep strong sense of loyalty to the future King and he would never forgive himself if he rode away and let Arthur die. Uther may be blinded by his own sense of superiority, but Arthur had proven himself a worthy man.

Now that he was heading in the right direction, Gwaine felt a weight lifting off his shoulders. keeping his horse at a quick steady pace, he let out a whoop of exhilaration. He'd make it just in time to enter the melee and protect Arthur.

As he crossed through the gates of the city, Gwaine began to steel himself for the upcoming fight, and what would undoubtedly follow. He knew that even once he had succeeded in saving the prince, he wouldn’t be allowed to stay with the two men who had ensnared his heart and mind, not yet at least. But what he also knew was that it would all be worth it, saving Arthur so that one day Camelot would finally have a worthy king. And then maybe, just maybe, Gwaine could find the home he’d been searching for for so long.

 


End file.
